Saturday, November 3, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
A simple poem 4 u:
A simple poem 4 u:
"Forgetting U is hard to do,
Forgetting me is up to U,
Forget me not
Forget me never
& U will have a friend forever.
"Forgetting U is hard to do,
Forgetting me is up to U,
Forget me not
Forget me never
& U will have a friend forever.
A nun and a preacher
A nun and a Preacher were riding camals in the desert, whe suddenly, both camals dropped dead.
The Preacher turned to the nun and said, "Since it is evident that we are to die, I have one request. I have never seen a female body... will you show me yours?"
"Certainly", said the nun, "But I want to see you naked as well."
As they stood there in the hot desert, buck naked, the nun pointed to his johnson and asked the preacher, "What does THAT do?"
The preacher knew not what to say, so he told her, "well...it...uhh...gives life."
"Well, what are you waiting for?!" screams the nun, "Put that in the camel so we can get the hell outta here!"
The Preacher turned to the nun and said, "Since it is evident that we are to die, I have one request. I have never seen a female body... will you show me yours?"
"Certainly", said the nun, "But I want to see you naked as well."
As they stood there in the hot desert, buck naked, the nun pointed to his johnson and asked the preacher, "What does THAT do?"
The preacher knew not what to say, so he told her, "well...it...uhh...gives life."
"Well, what are you waiting for?!" screams the nun, "Put that in the camel so we can get the hell outta here!"
My lost cock
The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat fl
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat fl
ustered, "that's not what I meant. "Has anybody SEEN a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up.
Lose 75 pounds
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, t
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, t
here stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
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The poor truck driver
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This
day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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