Saturday, November 3, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
A simple poem 4 u:
A simple poem 4 u:
"Forgetting U is hard to do,
Forgetting me is up to U,
Forget me not
Forget me never
& U will have a friend forever.
"Forgetting U is hard to do,
Forgetting me is up to U,
Forget me not
Forget me never
& U will have a friend forever.
A nun and a preacher
A nun and a Preacher were riding camals in the desert, whe suddenly, both camals dropped dead.
The Preacher turned to the nun and said, "Since it is evident that we are to die, I have one request. I have never seen a female body... will you show me yours?"
"Certainly", said the nun, "But I want to see you naked as well."
As they stood there in the hot desert, buck naked, the nun pointed to his johnson and asked the preacher, "What does THAT do?"
The preacher knew not what to say, so he told her, "well...it...uhh...gives life."
"Well, what are you waiting for?!" screams the nun, "Put that in the camel so we can get the hell outta here!"
The Preacher turned to the nun and said, "Since it is evident that we are to die, I have one request. I have never seen a female body... will you show me yours?"
"Certainly", said the nun, "But I want to see you naked as well."
As they stood there in the hot desert, buck naked, the nun pointed to his johnson and asked the preacher, "What does THAT do?"
The preacher knew not what to say, so he told her, "well...it...uhh...gives life."
"Well, what are you waiting for?!" screams the nun, "Put that in the camel so we can get the hell outta here!"
My lost cock
The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat fl
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat fl
ustered, "that's not what I meant. "Has anybody SEEN a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up.
Lose 75 pounds
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, t
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, t
here stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
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The poor truck driver
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This
day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Be strong
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict,
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict,
look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
my pyjamas
Banta goes over to visit one of his friends.
While he is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily the type that is not going to stop.
His friend tells him to spend the night at his house and go home the next day.
When he hears this, he rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small bag.
So his friend asks, "Where did you run off too!"
Bant says, "I went home to get my pyjamas!"
While he is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily the type that is not going to stop.
His friend tells him to spend the night at his house and go home the next day.
When he hears this, he rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small bag.
So his friend asks, "Where did you run off too!"
Bant says, "I went home to get my pyjamas!"
From the women's point of view
From a woman's point of view:
- The most perfect man in the world is her father.
- The most abused husband in the world is her brother.
- The most handsome man in the world is her son.
- The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her sister's husband.
- The most thankful man in the world is her son in law.
- And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and the man with worst behavior in the world is her husband.
- The most perfect man in the world is her father.
- The most abused husband in the world is her brother.
- The most handsome man in the world is her son.
- The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her sister's husband.
- The most thankful man in the world is her son in law.
- And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and the man with worst behavior in the world is her husband.
Nun
At a Bar, a NUN preaches: Drinking is Bad.
Man: Have you tried it?
Nun: No, Never.
Man: Ok, you try once, if you don't like it, I'll giv up Drinking.
Nun: Ok, but bring it in Teacup, I don't want people seeing me drinking.
Man: Have you tried it?
Nun: No, Never.
Man: Ok, you try once, if you don't like it, I'll giv up Drinking.
Nun: Ok, but bring it in Teacup, I don't want people seeing me drinking.
Man goes to the bartender and says: Giv me two Shots of Rum in Tea-Cups.
Bartender- IS THAT NUN HERE Again?
Bartender- IS THAT NUN HERE Again?
Human race begin?
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?"
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?"
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
Top and Bottom
For his wife's birthday, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older,
You are getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
"You are not getting older,
You are getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
Good news and Happy news
A doctor enters into a patient's room and informs the patient that he has good news and bad news.
He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.
The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."
The doctor says, "Well we are gonna name a disease after you."
He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear.
The patient responds, "Doctor, give me the good news."
The doctor says, "Well we are gonna name a disease after you."
Saturday, September 22, 2012
LOSE 75 puonds
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health
risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across
an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program.
"Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them
up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"
Give the camel life
A nun and a Preacher were riding camals in the desert, whe suddenly, both camals dropped dead.
The Preacher turned to the nun and said, "Since it is evident that we are to die, I have one request. I have never seen a female body... will you show me yours?"
"Certainly", said the nun, "But I want to see you naked as well."
As they stood there in the hot desert, buck naked, the nun pointed to his johnson and asked the preacher, "What does THAT do?"
The preacher knew not what to say, so he told her, "well...it...uhh...gives life."
"Well, what are you waiting for?!" screams the nun, "Put that in the camel so we can get the hell outta here!"
The Preacher turned to the nun and said, "Since it is evident that we are to die, I have one request. I have never seen a female body... will you show me yours?"
"Certainly", said the nun, "But I want to see you naked as well."
As they stood there in the hot desert, buck naked, the nun pointed to his johnson and asked the preacher, "What does THAT do?"
The preacher knew not what to say, so he told her, "well...it...uhh...gives life."
"Well, what are you waiting for?!" screams the nun, "Put that in the camel so we can get the hell outta here!"
The Priests Rooster
The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat flustered, "that's not what I meant. "Has anybody SEEN a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up.
He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.
The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.
"No,no," he said, somewhat flustered, "that's not what I meant. "Has anybody SEEN a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said. "Thats not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." Half the women stood up.
"No, no," He said, now thoroughly embarrassed "Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?" All the choirboys stood up.
Friday, September 21, 2012
HELL
When
you feel lonely, Cheer up! Just go to the mirror and say "Shit! I'm
really so cute!" You'll overcome your sadness. But don't make it a habit
cause liars go to HELL!
jOKES MISSIN?
Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!
I love other alphabets
I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love
"u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u". Hey! Don't get excited, I love
other alphabets too...v, w, x, y, z !
Becoz of Absence
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Johnny: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Johnny: No, but the kid who sits next to me was Absent. ;)
Johnny: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Johnny: No, but the kid who sits next to me was Absent. ;)
Top Answers Of Teachers
Top Answers Of Teachers
If They Don't Know The Answers:
1)I Think The Question Is Wrong..
2)I Will Tell You Tomorrow..
3)Don't Ask Foolish Questions..
If They Don't Know The Answers:
1)I Think The Question Is Wrong..
2)I Will Tell You Tomorrow..
3)Don't Ask Foolish Questions..
4)You Will Study This In The Next Class..
And The Most Important One Is:
5)Nice Question,Raise Your Hands Who Know The Answer :)
And The Most Important One Is:
5)Nice Question,Raise Your Hands Who Know The Answer :)
Running race
Girl-Nice Mobile.
Where Did U Buy?
Boy-I Won Dis In A Running Race.
Girl-How Many People Participated?
Boy- MOBILE OWNER, POLICE And ME
Where Did U Buy?
Boy-I Won Dis In A Running Race.
Girl-How Many People Participated?
Boy- MOBILE OWNER, POLICE And ME
Best ad
Best Ad By An
AC Company . . .
"Buy ACs
Because
...The Youth Of Today
Is Committing
Suicides Using Fans .." =P ;->
AC Company . . .
"Buy ACs
Because
...The Youth Of Today
Is Committing
Suicides Using Fans .." =P ;->
HEIGHT OF BADLUCK :p
HEIGHT OF BADLUCK :p
Boy: Marry me.. ?
Girl: Do you have a house.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: How much is your salary.. ?
Boy: No salary.. but,..
Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.!!
Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa,
3 property lands,
3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche..
Why I still need to buy BMW.?!
How can I get the salary when actually I'm the BOSS.. :p
Boy: Marry me.. ?
Girl: Do you have a house.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: How much is your salary.. ?
Boy: No salary.. but,..
Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.!!
Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa,
3 property lands,
3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche..
Why I still need to buy BMW.?!
How can I get the salary when actually I'm the BOSS.. :p
I Didn't do
Little Johnny : Mam,Will you punish me for something that I didn't do?? ©_©
Teacher : Not at all. :|]
Little Johnny : That's good. Actually I didn't do my homework!!!!! :P
Teacher : Not at all. :|]
Little Johnny : That's good. Actually I didn't do my homework!!!!! :P
Again
I Look at the moon,
the moon is beautiful...
I look at you... I... I...I'd rather
look at the moon again...
the moon is beautiful...
I look at you... I... I...I'd rather
look at the moon again...
How didi u find me???
Sweet candies are very nice to eat,
Sweet words are easy to say,
But Sweet people are hard to find. My goodness...
How did u find me ...???
Sweet words are easy to say,
But Sweet people are hard to find. My goodness...
How did u find me ...???
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